The one realization that allowed me to start playing
Recently I became aware that I was avoiding balancing postures in my home yoga practice. I didn’t want to fall.
There you got it: the confrontation with my fear of failing. For what it might do to my self worth, or worse, what other people might think of me.
Correction: what I think they will think.
Are you still with me? And with how ridiculous this mind set is?
Caught up in between the walls of my own story, I’m forcing myself into not failing. The only person holding me back is me, the walls of imprisonment are my own. There I am, safely in my “comfort” zone. Whereas we all know the fun begins outside of it.
And truth be told: people, often caught up in their own story too, think way less of me then my ego might think.
When I came to this realization, I started experimenting with falling on purpose. Like literally falling. (you should’ve seen me there on my yogamat in my apartment. I bet some neighbors were slightly worried.)
And also failing in my improvisation class. I “failed”, I “failed”, I “succeeded”, I “failed” and… felt lighter then ever.
This change in attitude created room to really start playing. The amount of joy was skyrocketing compared to when I would hold on tight to not fail.
Like a kid balancing foot by foot on a little wall. This kid knows the joy that comes with the possibility of falling. It wouldn’t be the same fun on the flat floor.
When did we start losing this play by not wanting to fall?
Last week I was making a puzzle with a four year old, doing my best not to put all the pieces in place too fast to make the make the puzzle complete.
When in the midst of the process she said: “You can learn to try.”
I was amazed by the wise words of this little guru. She’s right. Children just know.
Letting go of what people might think and just TRY (with the possibility of failing), opens the door for play.
In order to be able to play we need to let go of one important thing though: judging.
(the less I judge others, the gentler I can be with myself)
In this same period of my fail-experiments, a friend of mine told me about Fuckup Nights. These are nights, organized all over the world, where people come and talk on stage about their failures. I love initiatives like this. The media mostly highlights the successes of people. We think we can never reach there. But we don’t realize how often those “successful” people had to fail.
You can learn to try.
With this, I start trying to writing in English.
I hope you like it.
And if it fails, I’ll be happy to have shown you failure.
Let’s play and fuck up things.
Let’s remember we’re free.