When the hippie surrenders (a little bit)
Freedom has always been of really high value to me. I still remember sitting in my blue and white uniform at my little desk: a fresh six year old starting off her school career. I wasn’t familiar yet with the “no more playing” attitude of adults. So following my impulses, I turned around to my friend and initiated a hand clap game in the middle of class. A few minutes later she had to stand in the front of the class room and I had to stand in the back. Punished.
Since then I guess my freedom fight had started. I rebelled my way through high school (with a lot of fun -and embarassing- moments I’ve got to tell you.) At university I loved it that we didn’t had to go the lectures if we didn’t felt like it. And even now, in every aspect of my life, freedom is there.
1) I work for myself, so I can create and do whatever I want. In fact if I want to go on holiday right at this moment, I can arrange it. If I want to go to work in a yellow glitter suit, I can.
2) I live in a small place where the furniture isn’t even my own. Which again gives me the freedom I fight for.
3) I’m single.
Here I am at 28, waiting for my freedom award.
My six year old self would be so proud.
But ofcourse, it’s not all that black and white.
A few weeks ago I took an ayurvedic consultation with a really good doctor in Zurich. Like with a lot of holistic consultations, I first had to fill in a form with all my physical and mental issues. Black on white. As I only wanted one consultation, I wondered how he was going to manage to find some order in this chaos.
Turns out: he gave me exactly the advice I needed. And as you might suspect: it had something to do with my freedom.
“Get your base fixed. Ground yourself. Decide where you want to live, go for it and find a partner.”
As much as I love my freedom, I’m ready for this base. In fact it brings me a soothing peace just imagining it. As adventurous as my spirit is, there was too much insecurity in my life. Maybe adventurous spirits need their roots even more? Unconsciously I even didn’t want a relationship, because it could take my freedom away.
Now I’m ready for all of it. I know that no teacher, no lover or no job can take away my freedom. Only fear can do that.
Freedom is an inside job.
It’s expressing myself in any way I want.
It’s feeling in, checking what’s going on there and growing through it.
“From this base, you can do anything.”